iKnow Why A Caged Bird Sings
by Guardingangels86
Summary: It's a tough day for Sam, who can save her?


Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly nor the songs. I Know Why A Caged Bird Sings is a book written by Maya Angelou and I have no claims to the title.

Songs: Sing, Theresa Says, by Greg Laswell and Scarlet Rose by Alexa.

ICICICICICICICICICICICICICI

I warned everybody, especially Freddie, that they better not come anywhere near me today. I was a woman on the rampage. Momma was angry. But, that was just a fasade, a mask for how I really felt. I was in my most upset and hurt mood yet. I was especially pissed cause mom didn't remember. Why the hell should I care? What difference was that from every other day in our lives? "Mom", who I'd be better off calling "Linda" didn't give a damn about anybody but herself. Not her daughters, not the husband she made run off, not a soul.

"Don't you know what today is?" I had asked her, my voice cracking, fire in my eyes.

"Nope!" She slurred as she tripped over her own feet. "HAHAHAHA!!! Look Sammy! I fell!" she yelled as she rolled on the floor. I shook my head in disgust.

"That's great, Linda." I answered, stepping over her body and walking into my room.

"Hey! What did I tell you about calling me that! I'm your mother, dammit!" I scowled at her, my blonde curls flailing madly as I yelled.

"You aren't a mother at all you self absorbed bitch!" I screamed. Her eyes went from droopy and hollow to fiery and angry. She stood up, slowly and wobbling, and walked over to me.

"You mind your manners you ungrateful whore!" She yelled, slapping me across the face. She tried to take another step and fell on the floor again. The mark on my face screamed an angry red, but I ignored it.

"HAHAHAHA!!! Look Sammy! I fell again! Whoopsy!" She giggled happily. I doubt she even remembered the last 10 seconds. I looked at her again and nodded

"That's great, mom" I said under my breath, using the proper title this time

I threw my backpack unceremoniously on the floor in my room and plopped onto my bed. I quietly hummed to myself, closing my eyes and letting tears come to them.

"_No,"_ I said to myself "_I refuse to cry. She wouldn't want that." _I picked up an old picture of her and I. It was at my piano recital when I was a child. She used to tell me all the time that I was a protégé.

"Eight years old and already playing at small concert halls! And the voice you have! It's so beautiful! Your father would have been so proud of you!" That was before she got sick. When she started visiting the hospital every couple days, I stopped playing. I also stopped singing. I couldn't find the joy in it anymore. She wasn't anywhere to be found at my concerts. She use to be my joy, my inspiration, my soul. Without her around, I lost my will. Sure, Linda was there occasionally, when she was sober, but, she didn't give me the inspiration that _she_ did. Her loving gaze, her gentle touch and warming voice. Even now, I can hear her.

"_Sing, my little Sammy. Sing to your heart's content. Sing till your throat is sore. Never stop singing"_ She told me that after daddy left. Linda blamed her, but, it wasn't her fault. It was nobody but Linda's fault. She caused daddy to leave.

"_I don't want to sing anymore. He left…"_ I said to her as a small child. I was only 5, what did I know about marriage and love and all of that? All I knew is that daddy left and he wasn't coming back.

"_But don't you remember that pretty poem he left you?" _She asked me. I did remember. I remembered every lyric of it. He wrote it just for me since he was taking Melanie. I cried for days over that. I thought daddy didn't love me, that's why he picked Melanie over me. I found out years later that he fought for us both, but he could only take one of us. He took Mel because she wasn't as strong as me. Not as tough. I could deal with my mother's drunken fits, her sleeping with a new man every night. The rats and roaches that infested our home because mom was too drunk and passed out to clean.

"_Sing it for me Sammy."_ I really didn't want to, but, I couldn't deny her.

And in this lonely hour  
When you rest your weary head  
Well, I will be watching you  
And on tiptoe creep to your bed  
And if you ever leave me ...

Scarlet Ro...  
Scarlet Ro...

I will never let you go  
You will always know  
I will be yours to have and hold  
Don't forget me  
Don't regret me  
Scarlet Rose, Scarlet Rose

So dream your sweet baby dreams  
And I will kiss your tiny cheek  
Though I must leave now  
Know that you always be with me  
I offer up this prayer  
That everywhere she goes  
Lord, please protect my baby  
My sweet, sweet Scarlet Rose  
'Cause you're my Scarlet Rose

She loved that song so much. It reminded her so much of daddy. Sometimes, in all my anger, I forgot she missed him too. But I couldn't help but still be angry. Angry that he left me.

"_Didn't he realize I needed to leave too?!"_ I asked myself angrily as I lay in bed. Then _her_ voice rang in my head.

"_Don't stop singing Sammy. Don't you ever give up"_ I won't, I promised her that when she lay in the hospital for the last time. Linda didn't come visit her. Neither did daddy. I always thought he would. I found the only benefit of her being in the hospital was daddy coming to visit. But, as usual, I had been wrong.

"_Why won't daddy come see you?" _I asked her. Her face was pale and it was hard for her to breathe, but she managed to answer me with a smile.

"_He did, but he couldn't stay long. I showed him a picture of you Sammy. He said you grew up to be a beautiful young lady"_ She said smiling at me. I scoffed at her remark.

"_Yea, if only he knew what I did to others. The pain I put others through. Especially Freddie…"_ Her face lit up at the mention of his name. Funny thing about age is, you can pretty much always outsmart anyone younger. She had been there, done that. She knew it all.

"_Aw yes, that boy you always pick on. He's cute" _She said with a chuckle.

"_Eww!!! Benson?! You gotta be kidding me" _I exclaimed. She chuckled again.

"_Sammy, I know you like, no, LOVE, him. It's up to you to admit that to yourself."_ I turned away from her, not wanting to reveal the truth. If I revealed the truth, then I'd have to face my fear- that any man I ever got close to would leave me. Just like daddy left me. Freddie would leave me. Hell, I was giving myself too much credit; he wouldn't even BE with me to leave me in the first place. He was in love with Carly, I just had to accept that.

"_Do you remember what I told you Sammy?"_ She asked me. Her voice was faltering, her breathing shallow and her grip on my hand weak. I knew she wouldn't last too much longer.

"_Yes, I remember"_ I answered, my head hung low

She squeezed my hand in comfort and smiled. I nodded my head, kissed her cheek and walked out. I got a call from the hospital later that night saying she was gone.

"Dammit!" I yelled. It's been 3 years! Get over it Sam!

"Sammy!" I heard a overly happy voice from outside call. My blood boiled when Linda called me "_Sammy"._ _SHE _was the only one allowed to call me that. Nobody else. I told Linda that one time. She said

"_You are my daughter and I'll call you whatever the hell I please."_

"Sam, you have a little friend here!" Linda called to me again. I walked outside my room and saw Freddie, a sympathetic smile on my face. I quickly crossed the room and grabbed his arm. I pulled him outside and threw him against the wall.

"What are you doing here?! Didn't I warn everybody, including you, that if you came ANYWHERE near me today I will rip your head off and stuff it down the open wound that is your neck!" Freddie's eyes held fear, but, deeper down, I saw something else. Worry?

"_Get over yourself Sammy," _I said to myself_ "why would he give a damn about you? You torture him on a daily basis"_

"I know what you said Sam, but, you didn't look so good, so, I thought I'd come by and check on you." He said quickly, hoping it would spare him the pain I was about to inflict on him. I found it funny sometimes that he was still afraid of me. Freddie had grown to be quite a sight. He wasn't a short dork anymore. He had gotten taller, hovering over me by at least 4 inches. He worked out occasionally in order to defend himself against me and it did wonders. He had built some muscles, especially working on his biceps. Technically, he could overpower me, but I think, so the sake of my own pride, he still let me smack him around once in a while.

"Thanks for your concern, but, I can take care of myself" I told him, turning to walk back into my hellhole of a home.

"Sam, I know you aren't ok. Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?" He pleaded, his voice portraying desperation. I beat the kid up all the time, I at least owe him a little 'get to know Sam' moment. Wait, what?! What is going on with me! Since when have I ever opened up to anybody, especially Freddork?

"Fine, Benson, you can come in. Just ignore Linda and everything will be fine." We walked right past her and I let him into my room. He looked around cautiously. It wasn't at all like he expected. I was pretty embarrassed; it felt like he was silently judging me by the peeling paint and clothes spread out all over the floor. My bed creaked and the bed head was broken and chipped from all the fights Linda and I had. One time, she attacked me with a baseball bat. Good thing she was drunk and totally confused my headboard for me. She beat the shit outta that thing. But, at least it wasn't me.

"Um, so, in here is…cozy" Freddie said, unsure of what reaction he was supposed to lie. I rolled my eyes

"Don't lie to me Fredwena, I don't like it" I told him sternly. He shook his head

"I'm not lying. It's not as bad as you think it is" I scoffed

"Yea, cause roaches coming through the wall is REAL cozy!" Freddie looked down to the ground, unsure of what to say.

"So, um, who was that lady?" He asked

"My mother." I answered quickly. His eyes widened in surprise

"Your mother!"

"Well, the woman who gave birth to me. I wouldn't exactly call her a mother" He nodded solemnly.

" Ok Sam, tell me the truth, what's up with you today?" I shrugged

"Told ya, wasn't in a good mood. That's all" He stepped closer to me, a serious look in his eyes

"You are lying. Tell me the truth" I scowled at him. I was angry that he knew me so well. If there was one person I couldn't hide my emotions from, it was Freddie Benson.

"Back off, Fredward" I said, getting off the bed, heading towards my bedroom door. He grabbed my arm and whirled me around before I had a chance to react.

"Off!" I yelled

"No! What's wrong Sam! I'm your friend, you can tell me!" I had burning tears in my eyes, begging to fall, but I refused

"It's none of your business!" I yelled

"No, it's not," he answered truthfully "but I need to know. Please" he begged. I sighed and for once, let down my guard.

" She died today" I said quietly. Freddie looked at me in confusion.

"My nana. She died 3 years ago today. She was the only one who ever gave a damn about me. My dad left and took Melanie when I was a kid and my mother is a bumbling, abusive drunk who whores herself every night. I had nobody except my Nana. I just get really upset whenever today comes around. There, ya happy?" I said, my eyes staring at my shoes. Freddie was quiet, which worried me. I laughed silently to myself.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you" I said, turning to walk out the door. He grabbed me by the arm again, but, instead of yelling at me, this time, he pressed his lips to mine, slowly and sweetly, as if to say 'I'm sorry, I love you and I will take care of you' all at the same time. I was startled, my heart beating at a mile a minute, but I wouldn't give that feeling up for the world. I closed my eyes, unlike our first kiss and took in the moment. It was over far too quickly for my liking, but, I had a feeling this wasn't going to be our last kiss.

"Your Nana wasn't all you had Sam. You've got me too." He said, kissing me again, this time deeper.

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"_Do you remember what I told you Sammy?"_ She asked me. Her voice was faltering, her breathing shallow and her grip on my hand weak. I knew she wouldn't last too much longer.

"_Yes, I remember"_ I answered, my head hung low

"_Sing" _Theresa Said "_About happy things and one day a man will spring up worth loving"_

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Well, that's the end of this one, what do you think? I'm not exactly sure where to go with the story. Should it be a continuing story with a real plot? Or should it just be one shots that are loosly connected to eachother and songs? Let me know! I would really appreciate the feedback.


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